My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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