Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm passing your future prison.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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