Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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