when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
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