just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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