i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
