Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
