I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
