Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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