I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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