I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
