Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
