we have pet lesbian snakes
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize