"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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