rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
