I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
