He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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