Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize