Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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