sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
