the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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