never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
