its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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