Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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