Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
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