If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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