Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
