I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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