Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
