Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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