put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
