and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I think I just sharted jello shots
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