what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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