Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
