just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
