I've blown a few things in my day
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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