I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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