got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
