I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Everything about him screamed your future.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
