Plan B is the new Plan A
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
