She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
