It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
