Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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