I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
