i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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