I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
