Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
