How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
