One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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