i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
