i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
