I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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