so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
