how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
