i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
PANTIES FOUND
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
