what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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