i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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