The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
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