She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
