Betty ford says i'm here all night
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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