she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
