I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
