i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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