i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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