I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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