so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She announced her abortion via fbk
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize