Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Green mimosas i think yes
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
