your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
