The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
After last night, I could never be a politician.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
